


i'm not scared of my shadow when i'm wrapped in your arms

by DTBSpecialist



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mental Illness, Romance, Smut, Suicide, kinda out of touch w reality sehunnie, sekai - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-30 20:40:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20103292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DTBSpecialist/pseuds/DTBSpecialist
Summary: Sehun's always battled with the shadows in his room. When they wage a war with Sehun, bringing him back together with his highschool sweetheart Jongin, Sehun thanks them- until he sees the silver band fit snugly around Jongin's ring finger. Still, when he replied to Jongin's texts and snuck into his bed at night, he liked to imagine that Jongin was his, if only for a second.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is going to deal with incredibly HEAVY and TRIGGERING themes! Please, please, please take the trigger warning on this story very seriously!!! I was feeling like an angsty sack of shit and this is what's come out of it :/

The summer leading up to Oh Sehun’s senior year was the best of his life; everything was going right. He stopped locking himself in his room, began dotting his i’s with hearts, and meeting Kim Jongin every day after school. But, he kept that last part a secret because Jongin told him to, and that’s what friends do, right? They keep each other’s secrets.

The summer that followed is when chaos ensued. Jongin was set to marry the daughter of a wealthy businessman because that was the way life worked. The rich would wed the rich and breed children destined to be even richer. Why had Sehun thought he deserved a place in a such a perfect picture?

The next time he sees Jongin is at the coffee shop Sehun works in. The silver band wrapped snugly around Jongin’s ring finger suits him; he looks as if he’s been well, even without Sehun in his life. The last time he sees Jongin, is in the bedroom of the lavish penthouse he shares with his wife. Sehun never knew a person who could be so cruel.

“Kim Jongin, you are the living embodiment of everything I’ve ever wanted to be. How lucky am I to imagine that you’re mine, even if just for a second.”


	2. praefatio

_White. Blank. Black. Shadows. _Oh Sehun scrutinized the apartment before him; it was a reflection of himself- of what he regarded as being enough to declare a place his home. It had nothing too precarious, too special, too personal. The walls remained forever white, the only splotches of color coming from the evil shadows burned into the home by sunlight coming from the window. They danced around Sehun, begging his company, drawing him deeper into his mind than he ever cared to go. He hated the shadows, hated the control they held over him. He stared at one shadow in particular; it was an alternate, the demonic twin of the sandy brown twine interwoven time and time again, bumped and knotted to create the perfect circle. The rope’s home was nestled tightly around the base of a ceiling fan swaying dangerously back and forth as the blades circled round and round. Sehun’s eyes were blank, much like the walls surrounding him. His mother had always told him, _you become the company you keep. _Sehun bode his time lying in the presence of a plush, king size bed- much too big for him alone, but never being permanently filled by anyone else. _Empty_. Sehun truly had become the company he kept. A space too large, too grand, to occupy anything other than emptiness. His finger’s tightened around the goose-down comforter surrounding him, the knuckles turning white. He inhaled deeply, holding the breath for only a moment before releasing it and glancing at the overbearing rope above his head.

Sehun stood, the comfort of his bed leaving, making his bones cry out for the support and the lump in his throat return for the millionth time. Large hands caressed the rope, thumbing over the rough texture, the lack of give- the promise of a future. The raven-haired man sighed.

Before Sehun could rethink his decision, feet calloused from years of dancing, found themselves firmly planted on top of the bed. Dark eyes leveled with the rope; Sehun’s alternate self, dark and brooding, features indiscernible, tempted him with the image of the rope’s alternate already wrapped around the fragile neck. Sehun smiled- delicate- and his alternate grinned- maniacal.

_ _Ah. The world has pulled its’ final trick. _ _

_ _


	3. amicos non mentior (friend's don't lie)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for taking interest in this absolutely, out-of-nowhere story! it won't be a very long fic, i'm aiming for maybe three or four chapters total (excluding the preface obvi) but the chapters are going to have a lot of content. a challenge of this story (for the reader) is knowing when Sehun's actual, legitimate conscience is speaking and when he's going through an episode of sorts. next chapter coming soon! thank you for reading and supporting!

Oh Sehun was a creature of habit; he woke in the mornings, often with harsh dark circles under his eyes that forever reminded him of the nightmares he fought off in his sleep. He showered quickly, scared of the shadows that followed closely behind him. Sehun hated the way the menacing figures trailed his every step, hung onto his coattails for dear life. Sehun used to take baths, that was, until the shadows began attempting to drown him. They worked their way inside his mind, laughing and smiling, showing him visions of a beautiful future with walkways gilded in gold, and iridescent clouds Sehun could roll around on all day long. At first, he gave into them, letting them drag his head underwater, completely and totally immersing him in the promises of something beyond this world- something _better_. It was okay- until Sehun’s lungs began to burn. The first inhale came like an assault; Sehun’s lungs were flooded with water, unable to make room for air, unable to take any air in. It _hurt_. The boy flailed his arms around, splashing water everywhere, slicking the floor with his death sentence.

This was the first declaration of the war the shadows had made against Sehun. Despite being taken by surprise, Sehun had won.

He ripped away from the grip of the shadow’s, his hair being tugged, scratches being left on his porcelain skin. Sehun took in as much breath as he possibly could, coughing the entire time. This was also the first time he realized that the air had a taste- crisp, not necessarily clean, but sterile, stale. The boy learned to appreciate it.

The shadows had become a part of Sehun’s habitual routine, choosing his clothes, matching his shoes, advising him to wear eyeliner- too heavy for his liking, but not important enough to start an argument over. They came from all angles, hanging off of Sehun’s arms, his legs, weighing him down. When he was little, he used to tell his mother that his friends were clinging to him. He would tell her it was unbearable, and she would laugh. _She laughed for years, until the man in the suit told her about Sehun’s friends. Told her Sehun’s friends weren’t actually friends. _Sehun brushed his platinum hair from his eyes, a shadow gently caressing the locks. Ah, this was Sehun’s favorite friend. A mirror image of his own self with only minor differences. Sehun could never make out the exactness of this friend’s features, but knew they were that of his own. His best friend and his worst enemy- today, his friend. Sehun’s alternate turned to face Sehun, smiled and nodded. Sehun returned the gesture. It was time for his meeting.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sehun didn’t have many friends besides the shadows; he had Baekhyun, but Baek was typically busy tending to Chanyeol. He also had Jongdae, but Jongdae had once told Sehun that he was _creepy_, after a rather vicious argument Sehun had with his alternate, after which, Jongdae promptly stopped hanging around Sehun as often. It didn’t hurt Sehun’s feelings- he understood Jongdae was someone who couldn’t comprehend the unique relationship Sehun upheld. Most people didn’t understand and Sehun didn’t expect them to. It wasn’t until Sehun met Kim Jongin that he met someone who truly understood Sehun’s distinctive position.

Sehun remembers his first meeting with Kim Jongin as if it were a scene from a movie. Jongin was gorgeous- tanned skin, kissed by the Sun, tall with a body lithe as a jaguar. His teeth were blinding, perfectly straight, and his hair was a soft brown that made Sehun wish to card his fingers through the locks. Sehun had been walking down the street when Jongin had bumped into his shoulder, and when Sehun had looked down, Jongin’s alternate had Sehun’s by the hair, lips locked in a passionate embrace. It was enough to make Sehun gasp, his cheeks reddening hastily. Jongin turned his attention to Sehun, bowing and apologizing profusely.

“Ah! I’m so sorry!” _A voice like honey. _Jongin spouted apologies with seemingly no end in sight. Sehun shyly smiled. _Tell him you think he’s beautiful. _Sehun was taken aback by the advice. No! They’d just met. He could never- “Can you hear me?” Sehun’s ears perked up at the new stream of vocabulary coming from Jongin.

“I’m sorry!” It was Sehun’s turn to bow. “I zoned out for a bit,” His laugh was like silk, but Jongin’s smile was even better. “Don’t worry about the bump, it’s no big deal.” Jongin rubbed the back of his neck nervously. Sehun’s eyes flitted between Jongin, and alternate Jongin. Jongin noticed the quick movements of Sehun’s eyes- the ground, Jongin, the ground, Jongin. It caused Jongin to furrow his brows.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked Sehun. The boy in front of him nodded, a bright smile overtaking his features. Sehun was dazzling. His physique was model-like, his hair nearly white, and his eyes brooding. “C-Can I ask your name?” Jongin noticed the pink blush spread across Sehun’s face. The boy kicked at the ground.

“Oh Sehun,” He replied quietly. “And you?”

“Kim Jongin, nice to meet you. Well, I wish we were meeting under different circumstances. I’m such a klutz.” Sehun laughs Jongin’s response away.

“Ah, no. I’m much worse by far, I promise you. My friends tell me all the time.” Jongin smiles, but it’s bothered. He knows this boy from somewhere.

“Haha... uh, I know this sounds odd, but... have we maybe... met somewhere before?” Jongin’s question shocks Sehun. The blonde-haired boy looks at the tan boy in front of him, looking him up and down, before gasping.

“Oh! I can’t believe it! You’re Kim Jongin from SM School of Art and Dance! I’m also a student going into my senior year.” Jongin’s eyes grow wide. Oh Sehun? He wracked his brain, begging for a hint of a detail as to who the boy was. He’s seen his face, but he’s never heard anything about him.

“Ah! That’s what it is! I knew I’d seen you somewhere before.” Jongin laughs and Sehun smiles in return. He can’t keep his mind off of how badly he wants to touch the brunette in front of him. He’s so broad, and his skin glistens as the sun beams down on him. _Ask him out. Tell him to meet you again. Meet him again, idiot! _Sehun clears his throat, shaking his head slightly. Jongin doesn’t notice the gesture.

“Hopefully we’ll see each other again. Do you live close, hyung?” Sehun’s question seems to be friendly, _seems_ to have good intentions. Jongin nods and points, turning to show Sehun where his house is.

“Yeah, right there.” It’s only three houses down from Sehun’s. “You should stop by sometime. My mom is a killer cook. I’m sure she’d be ecstatic for me to bring company over.” Sehun claps his hands together, suddenly giddy.

“Definitely! Just let me know when to come over and I’ll be there. My mom says I need to get out of the house more.” Jongin laughs before pulling out his cellphone. _Nice quality. He must be rich. _

“Do you have one? I’ll give you my number.” Sehun nods and pulls his cellphone from his pocket. Jongin takes it and types in his phone number, naming himself _Jonginnie hyung~_ Sehun smiles at the name. “Can I get yours?” Sehun nods, grabbing Jongin’s cellphone and programming his number in it, naming himself _Sehunnie ^^ _He hands Jongin the phone and smiles when the older boy laughs. “I’ll text you and let you know when to come over, but don’t be shy. Text me anytime. You seem like a fun person to hang around.” Sehun’s mouth drops at the compliment. He nods, excited.

“For sure! I’ll text you tonight, hyung.” Jongin smiles and nods.

“I need to get going. I’m counting on that text, Sehun-ah!” Sehun nods and he and Jongin part way. Sehun watched as Jongin’s alternate trails him closely, never letting him get away. Sehun frowns. He feels the impending doom of his own alternate’s oncoming temper-tantrum. _I want him back. _

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sehun returned home, back to his routine. He watched as his mother cooked dinner, wondering when he’d be watching Jongin’s mother cook a no-doubt wonderful meal. _Text him. You should definitely text him. _Sehun shook the low, barely-there voice from his mind. It was what he’d always done, and what had always gotten him in trouble. _Stop ignoring me! _Though his alternate was just an extension of Sehun, he was much harsher. Sehun was a pearl and his alternate was the rough oyster shell encasing said pearl. Sehun’s mother asked him what he would like to drink, and Sehun replied with water. He watched as his mother quietly and discreetly, moved to the other side of the kitchen. Her boy had learned a long time ago what she was doing. Dark eyes watched as steady hands worked quickly, grabbing a bottle of medication from a shelf in the kitchen, uncapping it and flipping it upside down, and crushing a little yellow pill. His mother scraped the powder into her hand before dumping it into Sehun’s drink and mixing it with a spoon. It was all hasty and neat, with no mess left over, and no words spoken. Sehun remembered the time he had asked about the funny tasting water and the pills he was secretly being administered. His mother had told him that the man in the suit had prescribed them for Sehun so he didn’t get a tummy-ache after eating. Sehun believed his mother for a while- until his alternate told him not to. Sehun knew it was some sort of ploy. Each time he drank the water, he heard nothing. His head was empty, void of advice- and he was lost. He was utterly lost with no one to help him. The shadows disappeared- well, they didn’t disappear, but they just weren’t the same. Their personalities were no longer vibrant, they went into hiding. So, Sehun learned to stop drinking the water.

Each night at dinner, he sat and eyed the glass in front of him. _Don’t drink it. _His mother asked if he was thirsty, each night. Then she’d proceed to tell Sehun he needed to wash his food down, each night. Her endgame had become quite obvious through her routine persistence at dinnertime.

Sehun swore she was trying to kill him.

She quieted his alternate so that he would have no on to look out for him. She wanted silence in Sehun’s head so that she could take advantage of the empty space and move her ideologies and rhetoric into the young boy’s mind. He _knew_ it. Sehun _knew_ it. He was no fool. Sehun picked at his food until he’d decided he had enough. He scraped the wasted food into the trash bin, plugging his nose and making a noise of disgust at the smell. _Gross. _Sehun eyed his mother as he pranced to his room. Her eyes were tired, sagging with the pain of a mother bear attempting to nurse her wounded cub. Sehun rolled his eyes. It was because he didn’t drink the poisoned water.

Sometimes, Sehun thought his mother had actually been _replaced _by her alternate. _It can happen. _

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was nearly three in the morning when Sehun’s phone alerted him to an incoming text message. He rolled over in his bed, acknowledging the shadows in the room, promising in his mind, that he would turn his ringer off. He grabbed the phone and checked it, eyes lighting up at the name flashing across his screen.

_From: Jonginnie hyung~:_

_sehun-ah, I’m sorry for the late text. are you still awake ?_

Sehun smiled at the text and quickly typed his response.

_To: Jonginnie hyung~_

_don’t apologize! i’m still awake. what’s up hyung??_

The replies came rapidly, neither boy setting their phone down. They wanted to reply to each other as soon as their phones vibrated. Sehun ignored the shadows pestering his mind, asking his soul to come back to them. He was busy now. He was interested in something now.

_From: Jonginnie hyung~_

_I was wondering if you wanted to come over tomorrow for a while to play games? _

Sehun, of course, agreed. Their conversation went on for hours, exploring the limited knowledge Sehun had of video games. His alternate didn’t much like them. _They bring out the bad shadows. _But Sehun didn’t care this time. Jongin asked Sehun about his favorite song and genre of music and the upcoming school year. It wasn’t until the battering morning sun rose, sunlight creeping through Sehun’s windows and illuminating his room, did he go to sleep.

His dreams were initially sweet, with splotches of pink and purple and fluffy white clouds. Jongin- except not really Jongin, perhaps his alternate- sat atop the clouds, drawing Sehun in. His beauty was terrifying, but Sehun knew his nature was murderous. The dream quickly transformed into a nightmare.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxx

When Sehun woke, he immediately showered, using his most enticing body wash, and ate a bowl of cereal, and brushed his teeth before rushing out of the front door and to his neighbors house. When he reached Jongin’s house, he straightened out his white button-up, pushed his hair into place and took a deep breath. Sehun rang the doorbell and it wasn’t long at all before Jongin appeared before him. The older boy smiled.

“Hey, come in.” Jongin said, a bit breathless. Sehun entered the home, immediately taking off his shoes. He gawked at the walls surrounding him. They were so different from his own. A deep, navy blue, with golden accents. Beautiful sculptures sat, perched atop of cherry wood bookshelves and hand-carved endtables. The house was impeccable.

“Your house is beautiful.” Sehun was obviously still distracted by his surroundings. Jongin smiled and reached out to grab Sehun’s hand. It was a light touch, one that lasted a bit too long. Sehun’s eyes met Jongin’s- dark and cloudy and full of... _something_. _He wants to use you up. _Sehun’s hairs stood straight up. Ah. This Jongin. His eyes looked like his alternate’s now. They were the same as they had been in Sehun’ nightmare. It made his blood sing, his heart thrum, his mouth quirk up into a grin. Sehun knew this atmosphere.

“Should we go to my room?” Sehun nodded at Jongin’s- not Jongin’s- question. _He’s going to use you all up and leave you empty. You can’t trust him. _Sehun ignored the continuous warning playing in his mind. Jongin- _any _part of Jongin- would never treat Sehun like a tissue. He would never use Sehun and throw him away. He just wouldn’t. This, Sehun knew. _You don’t even know him. You’ve known him for a day. _Sehun smiled. That was true, but he felt like he’d known Jongin for years. He felt as if Jongin was similar to him. He could teach Jongin not to let his alternate control him and Jongin wouldn’t judge him like others did- like Jongdae did. Jonginnie was _his _now. Sehun’s smile only grew as Jongin led him upstairs to his bedroom. Opening the door, Sehun was taken into a different world, one so completely different from his white walls and lack of decor. Jongin’s room was a delicate sky blue, telling of his personality. The room was accented with white lines and decor, almost like-

“Clouds...” The bedroom left Sehun breathless. It was so private, so personal, so Jongin, yet here Sehun was, invading. And Jongin was letting him.

He had to love Sehun, the latter concluded.

_He doesn’t love you! You two just met! _Sehun didn’t know which shadow was addressing him, but he wasn’t listening to it. The blonde-haired boy really wished his alternate would speak to him. His alternate always encouraged him, always pushed him out of his comfort zone.

“I painted it to give little nuances and nods to the sky.” Jongin explained. “Not many people pick up on it, but I’m glad you did. I knew you were different.” Sehun felt his heart tighten at Jongin’s compliment.

“My friends tell me about the clouds and the sky. They’re always trying to take me there.” Jongin’s look of confusion didn’t escape Sehun, but the latter just smiled and shrugged. “I’m not too keen on their methods.”

“Are you scared of planes?” This time, Sehun looked confused.

“Planes?” He replied. Jongin cleared his throat and shook his head.

“Uh, you know, planes, that fly around, so you can-can get up in the sky?” Sehun giggled and waved away Jongin’s explanation.

“Oh, no. My friends... sometimes they can be a little cruel. They play nasty tricks on me. They nearly drowned me once.” The room was silent, save for the crackle of ambient noise in the background. Jongin’s face was screwed into one of scrutiny, but Sehun stood his ground. He hated going through the process of explaining his friends.

“I don’t think- I don’t believe you should be friends with them if they try to drown you.” Sehun bit his lip. Jonginnie didn’t approve of Sehun’s alternate.

“Well, it’s kind of hard to get rid of them. But! They also give me a lot of great advice. They told me to talk to you when we first met.” Jongin’s jaw dropped.

“Sehun-ah, there was no one there when we first met.” Sehun laughed, looking at the floor and wiggling his toes inside of his shoes.

“Ah, there was no one you could _see_. They were there, though. They’re always there.” Sehun pointed to his heart. “I carry them with me.” Jongin said nothing for nearly a full minute. He had no idea what kind of boy he’d just let into his home. Sehun was incredibly... out of touch with the world around him. Jongin had picked up on hints of it, but now he fully understood.

“Sehun, are you on any kind of medication?” Sehun pursed his lips and tapped his foot lightly.

“Medication... I don’t think so? I know my mom gives me these pills throughout the day- she crushes them up and puts them in my water- but they’re not prescribed. She’s... she’s trying to kill me. Those pills are poisonous.” Jongin nodded slowly. “You don’t believe me, do you?” Sehun sounded forlorn, and Jongin rushed to console him. He moved closer to Sehun, rubbing his hair and carding his fingers through it.

“No, no, no. I believe you, Sehunnie. I was just asking because I don’t...” Jongin knew he had to be careful with his phrasing. “I thought someone might try to suppress your mind, and they don’t need to. You don’t need the medication.” The way Sehun’s eyes lit up, the happiness in them, wasn’t lost on Jongin, but it made his heart ache for the boy. Sehun laid his head upon Jongin’s shoulder.

“I knew you were different, Jonginnie hyung. I just _knew_ it.”

Over the course of the summer, Jongin did prove himself to be different. Sehun began to open up more about his _friends_, though they disapproved. Sehun’s own alternate began to turn against him. The boy found himself at Jongin’s nearly every day, shooting him messages all night. Jongin was different. Jongin believed him. Jongin didn’t try and force pills down his throat, or tell his it wasn’t real. Jongin _knew_ the shadows were real, _knew_ Sehun’s friends were real- and he didn’t tell Sehun otherwise. At times, when Sehun’s alternate was being especially cruel to him, Sehun would find himself curled up in Jongin’s bed at three in the morning, with Jongin’s arms wrapped around him. It was a lovely feeling, to be warm and safe in the arms of someone you love. It became a part of Sehun’s routine. He always found himself in Jongin’s bed, and Jongin never complained. Instead, he begged Sehun to stay when the sun rose. He would make Sehun breakfast if his mother wasn’t home, and he would run Sehun hot showers and sit in the bathroom with Sehun to make sure none of the shadows nabbed the boy.

The week before Sehun and Jongin’s senior years began, the two boys sat in Jongin’s floor, laughing about something Baekhyun had once said. The two found that they had a mutual friend, but then again, Baekhyun was quite popular. It was hard _not_ to know him. As Sehun’s laughing died down, he leaned back, lying down on Jongin’s floor. The younger boy stared up at the ceiling, his hand finding its’ resting place upon his chest. When Sehun was with Jongin, the shadows either died out, or raged. On this day, they died out. It was a rare event for Sehun to think clearly, with nothing rampaging in his head. He liked it, but he wasn’t used to it, so it made him uncomfortable. His mind was taken off of its emptiness when Jongin laid down beside him.

“What’re you thinking about?” Jongin asked. Sehun shrugged.

“Nothing.” He said blankly. “There’s nothing going on up there today.” Jongin gave a small smile.

“Enjoy it, Sehun-ah. You don’t get many days where you hear nothing.” Sehun nodded, still uneasy, but he listened to Jongin. Jongin’s jokes made him laugh- made him forget that he was thinking for himself. Days like these made Sehun question whether he was actually crazy or not, whether the medications were actually being used to kill him or if they were being used to help him. They made him wonder whether or not Jongin was truly his friend, or if he pitied the boy. Jongin stroked Sehun’s hair. “Sehun, stop thinking. You get distracted when you start thinking.” Sehun couldn’t help his inner turmoil.

“I’m sorry,” He spoke. “It’s just always so loud, I don’t know how to act when it’s not. It’s just... odd. I don’t know why they leave randomly. I think they get mad because I’m with you.” Jongin’s hand moved from Sehun’s hair, to his cheek, where his thumb stroked the soft skin. Sehun nuzzled into the touch. He loved it when Jongin was like this, full of playful touches, and light shows of affection.

“Let them be mad.” Jongin’s reply was firm. Sehun smiled. “Let them be angry while we enjoy our time together, and lay here and laugh like idiots. They can be miserable while we have the time of our lives, Oh Sehun. It won’t last forever, ya know?” For some reason, Jongin’s words felt like a parting gift. It set Sehun on edge. He was going to lose Jongin at some point, he just hadn’t thought about it in depth before. He wanted to keep a piece of Jongin with him forever. A personal piece of him, a piece for Sehun and Sehun _only_.

“Jonginnie... how can I keep you with me forever?” Sehun asked. He looked up, his eyes meeting Jongin’s and the older boy furrowed his brows. “Even when we’re not together, I want to carry a piece of you with me. You make me feel better, you make my head quieter.” Jongin smiled, pushing Sehun’s hair from his eyes.

“Sehun, you’re asking a great deal of me.” Jongin’s words held a different tone. His demeanor changed. “I can let you take a piece of me with you forever, but I’ll have to take a piece of you with me, as well. I don’t know if Sehunnie can lose anymore pieces of himself.” Sehun gasped.

“He can- Sehunnie can, if it’s for you.” His voice was a desperate plea, a whisper that filled the room. Jongin smiled, his hands cupping Sehun’s cheek. _Ah, you’ve done it this time. _Sehun ignored the condescending voice, awaiting his breaking. Jongin’s mouth was heavy on Sehun’s, pressing firmly, fighting for dominance, yet begging for entrance. The perfect mix of sweet and spicy, dominant and submissive. Sehun didn’t understand how badly he had yearned for Jongin’s touch until he received it. His body ached for the older male’s gentle ministrations- and Jongin delivered. He flipped their position, allowing Sehun to straddle his hips as his fingers slowly crept up Sehun’s sides, fluttered down his ribs and ghosted over his thighs. Sehun was a work of art; Picasso would blush upon seeing the younger boy’s expressions. His mouth formed an ‘o’ shape whenever Jongin hooked his hand around Sehun’s neck, pulling him down, pressing his mouth against Sehun’s once more. Jongin could feel Sehun’s chest against his own, his heartbeat speeding up, like someone flooring the gas pedal of a race-car.

It was almost like they were one person.

Sehun felt a surge of bravery wash over him, almost like a wave breaking. He used his hands as well, feeling Jongin’s body, the intimidating muscle, the taunt golden skin. Sehun pressed his hands to Jongin as if he were never going to touch the boy again. Jongin bit Sehun’s lip roughly, the familiar iron taste of blood was no deterrent for either of the boys. The golden-skinned boy underneath Sehun licked at the latter’s bottom lip, breaking away from his mouth only occasionally to breathe in a gulp of air. Sehun felt Jongin pushing his shirt up, and over his head, and he allowed him to. Jongin took in the velvety, porcelain skin before him- Sehun was built well. He was lean, not muscle-y, but definitely fit. Jongin traced the outline of Sehun’s abs, his finger dipping into Sehun’s navel as he felt the boy’s stomach.

“Sehun-ah,” Jongin leaned up, wrapping his arms around Sehun’s figure, burying his face into the younger boy’s neck. “You are the most beautiful boy I have ever laid eyes on.” His voice was breathy, most likely from the steady make-out session. Sehun wrapped his arms around Jongin’s neck, caressing the boy, carding fingers through soft brown hair. This was it. This was where Sehun belonged. He belonged in Jongin’s arms, and Jongin in his. _This won’t last. _But, Sehun knew it would. Sehun knew that this would last forever. Jongin was _his_. He was Jongin’s. Jongin marked him repeatedly, licking and sucking at Sehun’s neck, his chest. Jongin played with the younger boy’s nipples, growling low and throaty when Sehun moaned and tugged at his hair. Oh Sehun had a voice kissed by angels, high and sweet. Jongin loved hearing it. He smirked against Sehun’s skin when the latter let out a particularly tantalizing whine. Jongin’s hands gripped the waistband of Sehun’s pants, silently asking the boy for permission. It was given to him in the form of a frantic nod. Every teenager was confused, looking for their place in the world.

Jongin found his place, in the dying afternoon light of the summer going into his senior year, between the legs of a boy who couldn’t stand to be alone with his own shadow. 


End file.
